Establishing boundaries in relationships and life can be a transformative point in a person’s life. People often feel that they meet the needs of others, and their own needs are put on the back burner. Family, friends, work demands, and pets are just a few areas where setting healthy boundaries can be immensely valuable. Any parent naturally prioritizes their child’s needs. Without clear boundaries, this can become both rewarding and draining, and lead to exhaustion and frustration. It is essential to make time for oneself, and the growing awareness of mental health and self-care is prompting individuals to establish healthy boundaries and seek guidance from certified life coaches.
Those who have never set boundaries before may spend years developing the skills to do it consistently, but it is worth it. Generations have dedicated their lives to compliance, people-pleasing, and maintaining a strong exterior, even when being stretched beyond their limits on the inside. Prioritizing one’s individual needs, wants, and desires when making choices that also consider others will help balance life and work, leading to happier lives.
The Value of Boundaries
The value of boundaries involves the views we hold of ourselves and the world around us. If you think about a home with a fence around it, the fence is there to establish a boundary that defines the property. The fence creates a clear line between two or more properties and is easily identifiable. However, people can’t walk around with a physical fence around them, nor would it likely offer any significant level of sustainable happiness. When it comes to personal boundaries, things become more complex because they encompass emotional, physical, and mental aspects of ourselves.
Communication is the Foundation of Setting Boundaries
One of the key elements of establishing boundaries is communication. The better people become at speaking on their behalf, the more it becomes what is wanted and what is not. Effective communication that leads to decisions where people feel they were considered allows them to thrive and become the best version of themselves. Anyone who feels they need to set boundaries, whether due to a complete absence or a compromise that leaves them feeling disheartened, will want to develop them, which will naturally lead to healthier relationships and a balanced life.
Taking an Honest Look at Boundaries
Although the thought of having a material fence around us as we live our lives may seem daunting, the analogy is an easy way to examine our boundaries. Our boundaries are an invisible fence that protects us and provides a haven where we are at our best and our needs are met.
Think about the different kinds of fences. Wood, vinyl, white picket, and concrete fences are similar to the unique ways individuals set their boundaries. A boundary fence is personal and unique and may vary in different relationships. Imagine your fence. Would there be signs to keep people out? Would your fence be made from old, broken surfboards? All types of fences send a message. A ‘No Trespassing’ sign may keep people out, but setting boundaries is about living your best life, not locking people out of your life. A surfboard fence may send a message that your boundaries are not to be taken seriously and that if people need you, they can just come through and ignore the fence.
Whatever type of fence or boundary you think you have, being honest about it is a good starting point. People need permission to be true to themselves so they can be at their best.
Steps to Building a Healthy and Unique Fence
There are several steps that individuals can take to establish boundaries or further develop their skills. It is crucial not to become upset and to address the boundary in the moment. Getting upset that unknown boundaries have been violated isn’t fair to the other person. Never let yourself become upset about a lack of boundaries if none have been set. Always be clear on what you want, and then approach boundary setting with a calm mindset. However, don’t wait too long; plan out what to say to communicate your needs effectively. Be clear, to the point, and stay positive, because setting boundaries is beneficial for you and the people in your life. If you communicate a boundary and the person meets your terms, acknowledge that person so they can replicate it!
Many times, when people set boundaries, it sounds something like, “If you are running more than ten minutes late, call me”. When setting boundaries, it is essential to have a plan for addressing those who are unable to honor your boundary requests. An excellent way to enforce your boundary and hold yourself accountable is to add, “If you are more than fifteen minutes late and I don’t hear from you, I will make other plans and won’t be available”. Be prepared to do what you say you will do, and avoid making empty threats, as this is one of the greatest downfalls of boundaries.
If you feel that boundaries are lacking in your life and making you feel disheartened, or know areas where you need to set them, seeking counsel from a certified life coach is a sure way to receive sound guidance and achieve healthy boundaries. The Life Purpose Institute is dedicated to developing, training, and coaching life coaching skills that have an impact and last a lifetime.